


A Life Worth Living

by that_shipper



Category: Captain America, Marvel
Genre: Angst, M/M, Memories, Post TWS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-28 19:11:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3866482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_shipper/pseuds/that_shipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes needs a reason to continue living. <br/>Memories from his past are flooding up. <br/>Maybe Steve can help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Life Worth Living

**Author's Note:**

> Warning this is not edited and written quite late at night. I'll just apologize ahead of time

The winter soldier was a killer.   
He knew this.  
Bucky Barnes was not.   
He remembers some of this.   
He can't quite remember how he got out, what led him to this particular door, in this particular apartment building.   
He remembers blood on his hands, both flesh and metal, not sure what was his own and what belonged to Hydra.   
He remembers looking at his old face, huge on a screen, James Buchanan Barnes, remembers Steven Rogers.   
He remembers some.   
Mostly he remembers the nearer memories.  
Death, destruction, Hydra.   
He needs help to remember why life is worth living.   
Yes, Bucky knows why he's reached this door, why he creeps in quietly, the bolt on the door easy enough to get open with the right persuasion, but, for the life of him, he cannot remember how.   
It takes less than thirty seconds of Bucky loitering in Steve's kitchen for Steve to realize that someone's there, and he comes running at him full tilt, knocking the wind out of him and taking him to the ground.   
He is expecting this though, and doesn't move, simply speaks, voice ragged from disuse, "Steve."

***

It takes a long time for Bucky to relax at Steve's house, but months (and many broken dishes) later, Bucky is content.   
Bucky finds Steve's old habits, surprises himself with memories, a question tossed guardedly over Steve's shoulder brings Bucky to holding Steve in a narrow bed, feeling his body shivering with cold and fever in the middle of winter.   
"What am I? Your dame?" He asks between chattering teeth.   
From across the room, Steve gives him a pointed look, and Bucky remembers the night he left for the 107th, when he left behind the façades and the girls, and poured Steve a glass of whiskey. 

***

Steve is bigger now, but he feels the same.  
When Bucky has been living with Steve for a year, he embraces him, a quick squeeze, before he leaves for an Avengers mission.   
His muscles taut before he pulls Bucky in closer, and Bucky notices he smells the same too. 

***

He had his bad nights of course, but Steve was always there to comfort him, take him away from the demons of his past like Bucky remembered doing for Steve at one time. 

***

In a mock argument, Steve asks Bucky, "What, gonna take me to a dark alley and settle things?" And Bucky goes back, kneeling in front of Steve in a back alley, and Bucky hears the quiet puffs of breath above him, almost tastes Steve on his lips.   
Steve is quizzical, he has come to know the faraway look Bucky gets when he remembers something and asks Bucky about what he saw.   
He makes something up quickly about chess and whiskey and if Steve's pale eyebrows come together in thought, or his blue eyes follow him in accusation, Bucky doesn't see because he is out of the room, his head down low.

***

Bucky knows that this is a first as Steve pushes into him.  
No memories flood up as Steve groans, pulling out before he can ram back in.   
Nothing else removes him from this very moment as Steve kisses up his spine, breathing raggedly on his skin.   
It is wonderful, Bucky thinks on a sharp intake of breath as Steve hits that glorious bundle of neves inside him, to be making new memories. 

Oh, finding a reason to live proved easier than expected.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked! Remember to leave a kudos or a comment to show your appreciation :)


End file.
